(Image: Asshole cat
Top line: Has dozens of cat toys
Bottom line: Plays with your breakables)
This is my asshole cat, Scout.
Though she has free reign of the entire house, her favorite place to sleep is on top of my homework when I am trying to complete it. When I try to remove her furry little body from my text books, she retaliates and buries her claws into my flesh.
Scout’s hobbies include getting in the shower with me, shedding on all my black clothes, and pouncing on my stomach during the middle of the night.
This is the local asshole cat, Jett. He may act sweet, sure, and he may be a doofus, but he likes to pester all the other cats and be an overall pain. You can never tell whether he wants to be petted or left alone, and he thinks he’s hot stuff, so he bullies all the other cats that live around here whenever he feels like it. He once ran a sweet and adorable tortie up a tree!
He doesn’t fight with the other cats, but he’s still a nuisance. I love him, though. He’s actually very nice if you approach him in his favorite sandy spot and pet him gently. He just has too much of an ego is all.
This handsome ginger is Winston, or winny. While he looks docile and adorable here, he is of course an asshole cat. What is Winston a fan of? Well, for starters… you have hands therefore you must be petting him. MUST. If not he will stand close to you or crawl to the back of the couch by your head and meow. not a normal meow either sort of a “reea-ow” long and obvious that he wants your attention. Oh youre walking to the kitchen? This man runs in between your feet in a figure 8 movement to insure that he trips you at least 4 times. When you put food in his bowl he just stares at it and meows like its never good enough. he constantly tips over his water bowl. its fun for him. Hes also a big boy and knows this so while youre not paying attention he will walk across your boobs and kneed with his giant claws. He loves to wake me and my girlfriend up at all hours of the night. just to pet him. he sets his head under our hands and meows loudly. If you try to have him lay down so you can pet him he walks around you and then nibbles your hands. But I couldnt ask for any other kitty, because I love him.
Meet Arny, when he was born we figured he would be deaf due to the blue eyes and all white ordeal, and he was a product of inbreeding. As he got older his orange started to show up and we assured that he wasnt deaf, he does however have that one eye that kinda sorta doesnt always line up with the other. He was spoiled by my girlfriend, I was also somewhat to blame for his assholery. He uses his unbelievable cuteness to get his way.
You can not eat near Arny. Hes so sneaky. First he will go right for it and you tell him no and he runs away. 10 min later he’ll sneak up to the back of the couch and lay down with his paws on your shoulder purring loudly. then when he knows we are captivated by his cute, he moves in closer and comes to your lap all purring and rubbing on you. While your not looking he slowly gets closer to your plate, even closer and then he bats at your food with his paw, and only does this when he knows youre not looking. eventually he’ll get a piece of chicken and run off with it in his mouth before you even notice hes taken it.
If you discipline him he then goes to your favorite shoes and pisses in them, hes fixed and does this still.
Hes also a large fan of drinking out of the toilet, while there he also grabs the end of the toilet paper in his mouth and runs around the house with it.
He is so gosh darn adorable however that we cant stay mad at him <3